HE'S BAAAAACKK!!!!!!

when i started working at Second Cup, i was introduced to Jerry, the creepiest, yet most hilarious guy you could ever come across. he's a guy of average build, about 30-35 years old, short black hair with a perv-stace/goatee goin on, super tanned and kinda looks like he wishes he was a porn star. basically, he's the kinda guy that hits on anything that moves. a grown man version of a 13 year old girl.

he always came into Second Cup, probably because it was an all girl staff, and basically flirted with every single one of us on a daily basis. usually, it'd just be the "you should wear your hair up sometime, so i can see your pretty face. promise me you'll do that? wear your hair up for me, k, as a favor." but every now and then you'd get the "wanna go for nachos?" which would hastily get a "i dont like nachos." reply.
One time, he came in when it was dead. three of us girls, myself, Julie and Miranda, were milling around talking, when he came in, looking ready to talk. the three of us groaned as he made his way toward our little circle, and Julie said "what can i do for you Jerry." in a very "tell me what you want so you can get the fuck out of here" kinda tone.
"well," he said, "i have this picture on my phone, i want to blow it up and get it printed. how do i do that?"
all of us looked at him like he was nuts and i said, "who knows, go ask at Telus, (which was right across the hall) they're a phone company, they'll know."
apparently that didnt mean anything to him, so he stayed and kept talking about how he wanted to blow up his picture. he turned his phone around to show us, and Miranda looked, just out of instinct. and Julie and i just rolled our eyes at him. finally after a while, we convinced him to go as Telus and he left. the second he walked out the door, Miranda said, with a horrified look on her face, "OH DEAR GOD, WHY DID I LOOK AT THAT!!!!!"
Julie and i turned around instantly, "WHAT WAS IT!!!"
apparently, he had taken a nude picture of himself on his phone, posing like the porn star that he hoped to be. laughing, and horribly disgusted, the three of us spied on him showing the picture to the poor workers over at Telus and asking them how to print the picture.

He always hit on Mel a lot too, who was engaged at the time. questions like, "so are you still engaged?" would come up frequently. one day, after a rush, Mel turned to me, looking shocked and told me a story:

The line had been out the door with customers waiting to get coffee, when Jerry came in and beckoned for Mel to come speak to him.
"what do you want Jerry." she asked.
"You have to help me," was his reply, "you're the only one who can help me!" he proceeded to tell her about this rash that he had on his back, and about some lotion that he bought for it.
"i need you to rub this lotion all over my body," he told her.
the lady in front of him in line turned around in disbelief at what she had just heard.
finally, Jerry left, after Mel told him she wouldn't help him, and the lady followed him out into the parking lot where she proceeded to yell at him and tell him how inappropriate he was. She then took him inside to the security guards, told them what had happened, and got him banished from the mall for two years.

so today i was at the mall, la-di-da, minding my own business, when i saw a guy standing at the doors. "no! it couldn't be!" i thought to myself. although it made sense, two years had probably been up since we had last seen Jerry, and it would be very like him to go back to his old routine of creeping on all the female mall employees. he looked different though... bigger, less pervy, less tannned. i thought i'd go in to Second Cup and see if i was just imagining things. but alas, i was right, it was Jerry, good ol' Jerry, and he is back. So watch out, female employees of Kildonan Place Mall, and learn how to reject boys in a mean way IMMEDIATELY because that is something you will be doing with him every day.

oh, how i sometimes miss working at that mall and all the weirdos that came through! almost every day was an adventure.