One thing I've been dealing with and have slowly began to come to terms with is the fact that i suffer from anxiety. I think it's something that's been going on in my life for longer than i realized, i just really had no idea what anxiety was - that it was actually a problem that other people dealt with besides me - until i witnessed a friend of mine at hair school battle with anxiety issues.
In the past few years since i began to realize what was actually going on with me, i've had my ups and downs. It used to come in phases, staying away for a month or two at a time, and then hitting me hard. Especially when i was under a lot of financial stress and decided to take up 3 part time jobs, working back to back, with only sundays off (and sometimes even working then). I would wake up with anxiety, go to sleep with anxiety... dream anxiety. it was too much and my body was exhausted. so, after a breakdown at one of my jobs one day, i realized it was time for me to quit one of my jobs, to take better care of myself and not put so much stress on my body - i needed rest.
i started to notice things that i never had realized before. Simple things like driving home from work, when a sudden, overwhelming happiness came over me, giving me a feeling of extreme ecstasy, as though i was high on drugs - for no reason at all. My heart would race. i would let out a scream of excitement. Some days i would get super antsy and HAVE to do something NOW, my friends would think i was nuts when i sat there bouncing like a 5 year old as they sat around drinking coffee and having conversation "LETS GO DO SOMETHING!! LETSGOLETSGOLETSGO!!! a few hours later, i would crash. "you're hyper," people would say, but this was different, i could feel it. Not that i dont enjoy being overly happy, but when your mood swings from intense happiness ("good anxiety") to intense fear or dread, where i hyperventilate, shiver uncontrollably as though i'm cold, and/or begin to cry ("bad anxiety," as i call it) it tends to become overwhelming and not so fun.
While I've been working to control my anxiety lately, (i've stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol, i exercise more regularly, i eat healthier, and i balance my work schedule better, to name a few), i've found that nothing has really helped me tremendously. I dont get night attacks often, which is phenomenal, as those, i find, are the worst, since sometimes when i'm having an attack during the day, i go have a nap to calm down, so that's one improvement. however, i still get attacks almost daily.
I, honest to God, hate medication. i dont even take painkillers for my headaches, that's how much i hate it. i take whatever medication i absolutely MUST take. But sometimes, you gotta know when to ask for help. As much as i hate to take meds, i feel like this is one thing i haven't tried yet, so it's something that i probably should talk to my doctor about.
There's so much taboo surrounding antidepressants and anxiety, it seems, which really does not help the person suffering. As soon as you say "i'm on antidepressants" people think you're a suicidal nut. It's one reason i haven't talked to my doctor about it, when in reality it's been on my mind for the past 7 years.
it's really unfortunate, i think, that people who have never suffered from anxiety have no idea and dont understand "what the big deal is" when someone tells them they had an anxiety attack. It honest to God, feels like you're gonna die. Your heart races. your mind races. Your whole body shakes uncontrollably. You feel helpless in your own body. It's different for everyone, but i think many symptoms are the same. I have a friend who gets it so bad that it looks as though he's having a heart attack.
One piece of advice i'd like to offer those of you who have never experienced an attack before, if you are ever in the company of someone who is in the middle of an attack, what do you do? Telling them to relax will probably stress them out more. Offer them a glass of water, a warm blanket, a cup of herbal tea. Something soothing. If they are hyperventilating, give them a paper bag. Tell them some jokes. Apparently you cannot laugh and hyperventilate at the same time. Try to be understanding, not demanding and/or impatient. Everyone is different in how they cope with their anxiety, so feel free to ask them "what can i do to help you?" While they might be too panicked to know what will help, some people know quite well, the strategies that work to calm themselves down, whether they can do it on their own, or whether they need your help. Don't be afraid to ask them, and to let them know that you are there to help, though try not to show too much worry or stress on your person, as those vibes tend to carry on to the victim.
My last words to anyone suffering with anxiety: don't be afraid to ask for help. whether it's from your doctor, or a friend who suffers as well, or something as simple as looking up solutions online. Though there are worse things in life, anxiety and depression are difficult things to live with, and even more so when you have no idea whats going on or how to properly deal with it. Just remember that you are not alone.
this made me cry, just saying.
ReplyDelete